thank you, thank you

From Mr.Sisters:

I really enjoy chatting with you too. I actually get excited to be able to read what you type, but it's weird because I don't feel this way about conversing with anyone else. Hence, you're a very special person who is funny, thoughtful, caring, nice, and entertaining. Considering that along with your beautiful personality and attractive looks, I would be crazy if I didn't want to date you. Of course, we'd need to meet each other in person first. That's at a later time, when we feel comfortable enough to do just that.

That's what I'm talking about. I mean, really, he can glean these things from a series of email conversations and it taken me 27 years to get to the point of just STARTING to see these things in myself? You're right, Mr. Sisters, I am a very special person. Furthermore, I AM funny, thoughtful, caring, nice AND entertaining. And yes, you'd be crazy to not want to date me. Geez, how did I miss these things in myself for so long, and how are you able to notice them so quickly?

Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I am guaranteed going to date this man based solely on the fact that he realizes what a great catch I am. But, I am going to spend some time contemplating the fact that he sees something in me that I really haven't seen in myself for a very long time and that my past relationship (nickname to come soon), never saw? Or if he did, he rarely made it known? Crazy.

I have to move beyond the point of feeling like I have to hold up this picture of all of the horrible decisions I have made in the past as a reminder and continual conversation with myself saying things like "Here, look at this picture. Study it. Know it inside and out, upside down and backwards.Make sure you memorize every detail so that you don't ever make this same decision again." What's unfortunate and what I'm starting to realize is that if I continue to focus on the picture in front of me, I'm going to miss all of the other stuff going on around me and probably trip over my own feet or a little bump in the road. However, if I memorize the FEELING, and learn to recognize it quickly, maybe I won't. If I memorize the fact that, like Mr. Sisters said, I am a very special person I won't make the decision to put effort into someone who doesn't recognize that as gospel.

So, I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, and I don't really care. Its in the universe, enjoy if you choose. Comment if you have insights. Or don't. Doesn't matter, I'll be memorizing what it feels like to realize just how funny, caring, nice and entertaining I am.